Review and Preview
Rule 1 is to get started on your own Review and Preview journey. Review and Preview will change your life and the lives of your children.
As parents, we all want our children to be confident, healthy and happy. In other words, to have a High Score Identity. For our children to learn these qualities, we, as parents, need to model them, all the time.
Children learn the most from us when we are not trying to teach, but when we’re switched off and being our authentic selves.
From the moment they are born, children learn from their parents and caregivers. Every word, action, reaction, attitude, emotion teaches them something about where they fall on the Low to High IDQ scale.
Most of our behaviour is driven by impulses wired into our brains during childhood.
In their early years, from about two to six years old, a child’s brain waves are in a ”theta state”, which means they are wide open to learning. And they soak up the beliefs, fears, habits and moods of the people around them.
Kids can’t judge whether this input is good or bad – they simply accept it all as the way to be and it’s absorbed.
And all this goes on while their brains are still forming. So, their learning at this stage literally teaches their System 1 how to understand the world around them.
Babies absorb the smallest of cues. For example, s/he will drink in how parents react to a spider or a bee. They will pick up on and adopt their carer’s repeated response to a setback or a crisis.
A parent’s habits in the face of day-to-day events drive the baby’s learning. Either through a strong reaction or how often it happens, it sinks into the child’s System 1 brain to shape their Edited Reality.
Parents with a Low IDQ feel more stress under pressure. Without realising it, we radiate our core Identity Beliefs through instinctive words and reactions. Like a sponge, our kids soak this up during their formative years.
From us, children learn how the world works. More accurately, they adopt our perspective of how the world works.
Do you know what remarks tumble out of your mouth when you get stressed? When you mess up, slip and trip, make a mistake or have a minor accident? These instinctive comments greatly effect your child’s development.
We are mostly unaware of how we steadily shape our children’s ideas of their status, self-worth, and potential
And so, if the real you suffers from self-doubt or shrinks from a challenge, your child will absorb this mindset no matter how you try to hide it.
By age 4, their self-image is taking shape. And it differs from one child to another. Each child’s world is filled with a range of happy times, setbacks, ordeals, achievements and so on. The feedback from all these formative moments will push them towards either a High or Low IDQ.
If you want to understand how your language affects your children’s self-esteem, take the IDQ…
… if you haven’t already. It spotlights the position on the Identity scale, from which you survey the world.
If you are on the Low IDQ side, your natural style is to describe challenges to your children in terms of;
If you are on the High IDQ side, your natural style is to describe challenges to your children in terms of;
With your IDQ score in mind, have a look at these questions. The answers will help to guide your thinking as you work through this online material.
- Think through your IDQ Score and how you are likely to influence your children with your identity.
- What do you want for your children? What’s the gap you wish to bridge?
- What strategy will you put together to make the difference you want to see in your children?
- If you have a High IDQ, how will you help your children assess risks safely?
- If you have a Low IDQ, how will you help your children not to stress too much or to miss opportunities in life?
Shaping a High IDQ in your child is tough…
It’s not something you do to them. You have to live it yourself, model the mindset you want to create, and they’ll learn it from you.
So first, to be an inspiring parent, carer or teacher, grow your own High IDQ. As you do so, you’ll get to know what contributes to a High IDQ and the difference it makes. Then you will inspire your children when you are your true self – the most critical time.
As you work with the tips and skills from these Five Rules, you will have a profound understanding of what they are about. And you’ll feel a greater purpose sharing them, knowing how they help your children.
So Rule 1 is to get started on your own Review and Preview journey. Review and Preview will change your life and the lives of your children.
The first step to becoming an inspiring parent, carer, or teacher is growing your own High IDQ.
Your children absorb their self-worth from your everyday unguarded words, reactions and behaviours. With a High IDQ, you’ll be your true self and inspire your children during the most critical moments. Embark on your R&P journey, and change your life and your children’s forever.
Up Next: Rule 2: Reject The Quality Time Myth
What’s the truth behind the “Quality Time” myth? Genuine connections aren’t forced. They can’t be bought with fancy gifts or holidays. They flourish from spending time together, being present and taking an interest. Learn to have fun while creating cherished, lasting memories and nurturing your child’s High IDQ. Click below to read on: