Now we have got this far, we can examine how Eddard was using The 7 Skills to impress™ with Jacqui.
When we left them, Eddard had just realised who Jacqui was and her tragic history. For a moment he lost his composure. Jacqui had been in a magnetic rapport with Eddard. But as he faltered, their connection loosened, and she uttered those fateful words;
“I know what you’re trying to do, thank you, but I know what I have to do. Please don’t blame yourself. I’m going to put the phone down ….”
The tension in that moment was palpable, the stakes impossibly high.
Eddard, despite the emotional turmoil stirred by the memories of Robbie, relied on the “7 Skills to Impress™” to navigate this critical juncture. His training kicked in, a lifeline in the chaos of emotions and desperation.
Manage Your State / 7-11 Breathing
Eddard always used this breathing technique. He knew that any tense negotiation could turn on the slightest thing. 7-11 Breathing stopped him from getting a “brain freeze” when the pressure got intense. He did 7-11 Breathing all the time, even when he wasn’t under the cosh. This meant that when things got tough, he was ready and stayed in control of his mind and body.
Identify Your Outcome / Practice Rapport
As you would expect, Eddard went into every negotiation with an Outcome prepared. He could create the Realisation on his feet. He’d done this so often he could develop it in his mind while walking and talking. After all, the nature of his work meant he’d usually follow a concise crisis briefing with immediate action.
Eddard developed his Outcomes for big jobs by starting with the overall success he was looking for. But, in the pressure hot spots in which he often found himself, these could feel out of reach. So he would break them down into manageable chunks. He did this by working backwards through the steps needed to achieve success.
Here’s his approach for Jacqui as he described it in the debrief a few days later;
You can see that the top one is the overall Outcome. This was Eddard’s purpose, the reason he was involved. But it’s a huge challenge. It felt almost too big a hurdle to overcome.
The steps he created afterwards are bite-size chunks. I’m talking here about something I call Shots and Stops Outcomes. An idea I distilled from an interview with Lebron James, which I describe in this post. [coming soon]
Each of these steps looks and feels more manageable. They sound attainable, which reduces the pressure he feels. And each one leads to the next. By ticking them off one by one, he would create a feeling of success and momentum towards the overall goal.
But he was still on the first Outcome on his list when Jacqui blew up his plan with those fateful words.
For a moment, Eddard faltered…
His System 1 started to flick around thoughts, images and sounds of failure. The despair he felt about Robbie came flooding back. He dreaded it all happening again with what was left of this tragic family.
But he was still 7-11 Breathing! He hadn’t lost control of his System 2, and so he could force his focus back on his Realisation. Which is what he did only a moment later.
He switched to a new Outcome, which was simply to keep Jacqui on the phone. His System 1 was now under the direction of this Outcome.
Elon Musk’s Monkey Brain (System 1) orders The Computer (System 2) to find a way to make this Outcome happen. And sure enough, as Eddard told us in the debrief, the right words just came to him. He said;
“I know you’re going to put the phone down, and before you do, I’d like to ask you one question?”
And she answered,
“OK?”
Jacqui’s response was a whisper, but it was enough.
This pivotal moment was not just about the words spoken but about the culmination of skills, training, and human empathy. Eddard’s approach, a blend of the ‘7 Skills to Impress™’, created a space for Jacqui to pause, to reconsider, even in the depths of her despair.
The question Eddard asked next, which will be revealed in the subsequent chapters, was not just a testament to his skill as a negotiator but also a demonstration of the profound impact that these skills can have in real-life situations.
As we delve deeper into the ‘7 Skills to Impress™’, remember Jacqui’s story – a stark reminder of how these skills can be life-changing, even life-saving, tools in the hands of those who master them.
Coming next: covering Steps 6 and 7 of Skills to impress™, Stay in Accord and Speechcraft.