Applying The 7 Skills to impress™ : Skill 3: Practice Rapport
Previously…
In Skill 2, I used High-Performance Imprinting to focus my System 1 mind, steady my nerves, and prepare myself for the pressure of walking into the rugby clubroom.
Now it was time to build Rapport with the squad quickly and authentically.
Because without Rapport, there is no influence.
What Rapport Really Is
Identify Your Outcome and Manage Your State are perfect partners for Rapport. They reinforce each other beautifully.
Rapport is the felt sense of Safety, recognition, and connection that allows influence to happen. It is not about being liked or agreeable; it is about creating the conditions in which another person’s resistance drops and engagement becomes possible.
When you engender Rapport, people feel a connection. They feel understood and respected. In moments like this, oxytocin, often called the bonding hormone, is part of the body’s response. It helps calm the nervous system, which makes people more open to your message. Resistance drops, and they become more receptive to new ideas.
Rapport is built by aligning with how others are experiencing the moment, their emotional state, values, Identity, and focus, rather than trying to pull them toward yours. Whether one-to-one, in groups, or in leadership settings, the purpose is the same: to dissolve resistance and create psychological alignment.
Without Rapport, even strong messages are filtered or rejected. With it, influence feels natural, ideas are received cleanly, and people respond willingly rather than defensively.
How I Built Rapport with the Rugby Squad
There was one more Outcome I hadn’t mentioned: the Outcome for the talk itself.
I wanted to shift the team’s Identity.
They were stuck in a loop of frustration and blame. Every time something went wrong, heads dropped. Players criticised each other, and their confidence evaporated.
So my purpose was simple:
- to help them feel like winners,
- to see mistakes as Fleeting: no reflection of who they are, and
- to see strengths as Lasting: part of their Identity.
Their Sacred Belief needed to pivot to:
“We are winners.”
“We can compete with any team in this league.”
That was the psychological shift I wanted to create.
Walking into the Room
I arrived exactly on time, and I’d asked the coach to give me the shortest introduction possible. No hype, no build-up, and straight to me the moment I walked in.
I’d done HPI all week, my nerves were under control, and my focus was sharp.
The players already knew a little about me. The coach had told them earlier that I worked with some well-known players and coaches. As I entered, he simply said:
“OK, here’s Mark, welcome.”
Then he stepped aside.
The mood in the room wasn’t great. They’d just completed a tactical review focused on their errors. The energy was flat, introspective, and tense.
The setup was slightly different from how I’d pictured it during HPI. I was standing behind a table, but the stony faces, the glum mood, and the atmosphere all felt familiar enough.
I opened my notebook… and immediately realised I couldn’t read my prompts without my reading glasses, and I hadn’t brought them with me.
In frustration, I slapped the notebook down on the table.
It made a loud crack, the room fell silent, every head snapped up, and all eyes were on me. Quite by accident, I had immediately grabbed their attention.
The Opening Line
It didn’t matter. I had memorised prompts that mapped out my talk, so I went straight in:
“Good evening, it’s good to be here. Thanks for the invite. Let me start with a question: Why should the teams in this league fear you?”
The silence deepened.
I could see the calculation on their faces:
- Is this an open question?
- Is he insulting us?
- Is he joking?
They were on a losing streak, so I knew they wouldn’t open up straight away, but I wanted to begin focusing their Attention Direction from the off.
I didn’t let the silence linger long enough to turn hostile.
I followed up:
“Look, I’ve watched the videos of your matches. You start slowly, but then you compete as equals. You’d win every game if you took out the first 15 minutes.”
“Sport at this level is all about pressure. Starting slowly puts you under pressure. I always say that under no pressure, an ordinary team can look world-class, but pressure can make a world-class team look ordinary.”
Now the energy shifted slightly, and they were still listening intently.
Drawing Out Their Strengths
I continued:
“Small things make big differences. A good tackle. A slick pass. A sharp run. A defence-splitting kick. And suddenly you’re on top.”
“And I’ve seen you do that in the videos.”
“So, what strengths do you have to make that happen? What talents are in this squad you’re thankful for? Why should the opposition fear you?”
Still silence. But now it was less a defensive silence and more thoughtful.
I knew what to do next.
I pointed to one of the younger players, a lad I’d seen on video with electric pace.
“So, tell me three qualities this lad has that you’re grateful for as a squad.”
They were loyal and supportive. They weren’t going to leave a question mark hanging over their mate’s head. Voices burst out:
“He’s the fastest sprinter in the league.”
“He’s deceptively strong.”
“He’s got a killer step.”
I was happy with the start. More importantly, I could hear the eagerness in the way they said it.
I pointed to another player.
“And him, what does he bring to your squad?”
More voices started coming in. Then more energy. The room began to wake up.
As we moved through four, five, six players, something shifted. The atmosphere lifted almost imperceptibly at first, then all at once. By the time we were ten players in, the place was buzzing.
They weren’t replaying errors anymore. They weren’t stuck in what had gone wrong. Their attention had moved, fully and naturally, onto what they were good at.
That’s when Identity started to shift. Rapport was forming. The Elevate Formula was quietly doing its work.
And in that moment, I knew I had them. The resistance was gone, the connection was there, and the room was ready.
So that’s when it was time for the speech.
The Shift from Rapport to Inspiration
With the room energised and connected, I lowered my voice and moved into the motivational part of the talk.
The timing felt right, Rapport was in place, and I could sense their trust in me. Everything had aligned.
This is what happens when the 7 Skills work together.
When your Outcome is clear, your state is steady, and Rapport is in place, the pressure becomes easier to work with. You are composed and thinking clearly. Your attention is on the people in front of you rather than on what the moment might say about you.
That is when inspiration becomes possible. The conditions are right for people to listen, trust and take in what you are saying.
And that’s where the next Skills come in.
Up Next: Skill 4: Analysing the Language of Stars
I was about to begin the part of the talk I had been building towards. But before I show you what I said, we need to take a detour.
The talk I delivered that night didn’t work because of energy or confidence alone. It worked because it was built on Skill 4 and Skill 5: the language patterns that direct attention, and the structures that reframe challenge in ways that build confidence and resilience under pressure.
So before I show you the speech itself, we need to understand the tools that shaped it.
Up next is Skill 4: Analysing the Language of Stars, where we begin unpacking how the world’s most inspiring performers actually speak, how they guide attention, and why their words have the impact they do.
→ Click here to continue to: Skill 4: Analysing the Language of Stars